Kebersihan adalah Sebahagian daripada Iman | 18 Syaaban 1437
May 25, 2016
Penulisan ini agak pendek tapi mendalam. Ada kucing aku nama dia Asma' Reena. Dua kejadian yang dia lalui adalah beranak tetapi anak-anaknya tidak dapat diselamatkan kerana mereka sesak nafas di dalam kantung. Asma' Reena masih kecil lagi dan tidak mengoyak atau menjilat kantung itu.
Kejadian lagi satu adalah bergaduh dengan kucing lain kerana mempertahankan maruah diri. Luka agak dalam. Rasanya dia tak mahu mengandung lagi. Kasihan kucingku yang setiap kali akan jemput aku masuk rumah apabila aku pulang dari kerja.
Oleh sebab dua kejadian itu, terdapat bau busuk padanya. Aku jenis yang tidak berapa kisah bila dah sayang. Memang akan sering kali dukung dia. Hari ini, bau itu melekat pada tudung aku. Najis! Aku sedar dan insaf selama ini aku tidak mengambil berat tentang isu ini. Aku hari ini basuh tudung aku di pejabat.
Dengan itu aku tahu, aku mesti lebih berhati-hati. Moga Asma' Reena lekas sembuh. Aamiin..
The Persistent Truant | 27 Rejab 1437H
May 03, 2016
Yes, I am seriously writing about my persistent level of truancy. When I was 4/5 years old , I went to kindergarten in a public school in UK. Let me be specific.
I went to St Cuthbert with St Matthias Primary School in Warwick Rd, London SW5 9UE, United Kingdom. I hated school because I was so attached to my parents I think. At the same time I observed myself to be socially awkward. Plus I am the last child which my parents brought up. Just don't blame me for being this way.
Numerous times I peed my pants because I did not know how to say I wanted to go to the toilet in English. Believe me, I was not this good in writing/reading/speaking in English when I was 4/5. I might know the words but too shy to speak. So I didn't like school. One thing I could remember is when I kicked my teacher and also peed my pants and brought to the head master's office then I was indifferent when my mum came and fetch me and went home. I rather be home although the teachers were kind. Home is where my heart is.
My siblings and I were later transfered into an International School named Hampshire School. Obviously I was separated from my brother and sister. I went to their underschool in Knightsbridge while they go to prepatory/primary school somewhere near the previous Malaysian Hall not the new one. I was always alone and separated. I still peed my pants but I did not rant like I used to. From what I've remembered the curriculum was awesome. Other than the academic level of a Malaysian Primary School Standard 3 Syllabus made easy, I was taught on how to do gymnastics, ballet and swim. I'm a fail swimmer up until now but I receive the honour badge anyway from them. They are always supportive. I've even learnt French there which I later continue during my secondary school in Tunku Kurshiah College. I begin to like school.
Then I was flown back to Malaysia at the age of 7. I was okay at first then school started to suck as I did not fit in. But I started to have an alter ego when I reach 9 years old. I was not scared but still finds a way to not go to school or skip class. I was doing well that time but I was not that happy. I mixed with naughty kids in Standard 4, I feel I had a life then. So I begin to be one of the cool kids which I am the only one whom is technically smart. It was a small school, so I was the smart one in my group. I've also remembered my tactic of having stomach ache when I do not finish a homework assigned or just to lazy to attend class. Usually 'the ill me' would be placed in the Pusat Sumber (Resource Centre) or Teachers' Room. Basically, I like to escape doing work but love all about learning.
I've also remember for Bahasa Melayu comprehension in Standard 6 which is my last year in Primary School. The teacher asked us to jot down 50 questions and all answers of A,B,C and D every week and answer them. You are assigned the question paper written on the book. Copy the 50 questions bit by bit instead of writing only the answer or photocopying the book. I hated that so terribly. I had to wake up at 3 in the morning to finish up my homework while my sister Along is studying for her Degree. We usually shared our morning ups together and I am the first to wake up but it indeed turned me into a morning person back then.
When I had enough of being a Xerox machine, I only write the answer to the question instead of writing everything. I got caught by my teacher and scolded. I cried on the spot as I was so frustrated of doing so much work when infact I could have a life of watching more TV. The teacher then divided us into groups where the 'A' students can write only the answer while the others still needs to continue with the lame method.
Not bad as I stand for my rights but I was weeping. Still I was not at my best behaviour during primary school. I had discipline cases but I was not to blame and my friends were because I was the smart one. The teachers said that they were bad influence to me. I even said my teacher was dumb at one point. I swear to God I was the wicked one actually but the double standard did save me. Then I went to boarding school.
Here, breakfast and assemblies are compulsory. Sometimes (Many times indeed), seniors ask us to serve them breakfast on their table. Well, we eat at the Dining Hall and basically we were butlers. I was not conforming to the standard, so I escaped breakfast. Assemblies were also a hassle for me, so I skipped that as well. I'm putting my truant skill into practice. Seniors in this case replaces the authority of your parents and teachers. I honestly dislike authority and I bent the rule by escaping them instead of confronting them as it will be a big issue to my whole batch.
I proceed to do that until Form 2. I just don't conform on being a butler. Mostly do conform and they get married early haha. I know I'm synical and there's no doubt about it. Form 3, free from being a butler which was the school rules. Freedom! but the worst is yet to come. When I was in Form 3, I scolded my teacher in front of class because he failed differentiating that my answer was correct. He was wrong but I had to apologize because that's the eastern tradition. It's about manners as well.
So I did what was recommended by friends but the teacher brags on my wrongdoing to the seniors. So what? I just took a break for a few days by saying I had conjunctivitis (made up). It cleared my mind a bit. When I came back, there's that one person that calms me down by just saying "Welcome Back". That person is still somewhat the apple to my eyes.
Senior years, I skipped classes, prep (preparation class which is designed for students to finish their homework) and hideaway in my dormroom, sickbay or anywhere possible. I just don't conform to rules. Senior years are more fights with the wardens. I do not like authorities lalalalala. To be honest, I do not conform to my parents instruction as well. I rather have options or I will create my options. I went to Penang Matriculation College instead of preparing to go Overseas Universities because I know my father would not let me and he was quite happy when I entered Matriculation College by bribing me with everything I want by buying them. I was not happy but it's Allah plan for me. I am still friends with those in my class and roommates. So I am happy.
University years were the best as I get to pick I want to be. I attend every class except if there is an examination (I will skip one class before the exam as I'm really a last minute miracle worker). I once skipped exam and faked an MC because I was not ready. It was for Control System. I got C- for that subject. Retake that subject for next semester, I got a solid B. Not bad because I was not a fan of the subject. I don't skip classes that much because in the University, we were given choices and loosely controlled by lecturers except one control (who-will-not-be-named). So I planned to be a lecturer because they schedule is not that rigid of 9am-5pm.
But Allah's plan for me is otherwise by placing me in the Engineering profession. Sony was the worst as I can't even play truant but I did like my job until I know I could not conform anymore and I feel like I'm fooling myself after arguing with my immediate boss. He resigned first before I resigned. But my friends there were the best as they took care of me until now I think.
Up until now, I fight for my rights in my workplace both Sony and MRTC. Currently in MRTC, I made options by myself. I do not know whether there's something wrong with my head or I just get agitated by authorities. I still play truant but I finish my work first before being truant. I think society just conform with their time being consumed by work but I am not one of them.
I know by now I can't be controlled but I can only be controlled by just one supreme being which is Our Lord, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'aala. Although I can't obey my Lord 100% but I try everyday to please him. Allah let's me to further my study to understand the hardship of learning where I can't be truant at all in this case. But knowledge is light, I'll try my best most certainly. Oh Allah, forgive me for all my wrong doings as I am truly a persistent truant. I know I will certainly stop when dreams are accomplished by Your Permission, The Most High. So postgraduate = My youth being consumed. I'm happy <- not really but forbearance is key.
Distorted Brain with a Weakened Heart | 28 Rabi'ul Awal 1437H
January 08, 2016
The title is unpleasing to the eye first, then my brain and always my heart. I cannot lie above all loop holes that I'm still creating, it's always going to have a toll on me. But surely I don't lose hope as Allah is with me the whole time. The time where I'm so happy when words can't describe but I remember Him less, He still took care of me. Even when I'm sad, He was near is just that I didn't noticed His company.
I feel like an incompetent human being when it comes prioritising things. If you see it in a programming scenario it would prioritise what is dear to my heart. My MPhil seems to be ranked as the lowest priority especially to my heart. My brain is full of logic but I think my heart handles the wheel. If it does not feel like reading conference papers, journals and writing papers, the brain will not execute although tomorrow would be the deadline.
The other thing about my heart and me, we tend to throw lemons away. What are lemons which I referred to? In this case would be my supervisor in UTM. He gives less supervision without proper guidance, expects too much, pushed me too far and hence my heart just won't do the job that I'm supposed to do.
But in reality, a lemon squeezed then the droplets enter the water you've prepared can be a detox program for you. One thing that is for sure is the amount of water must be greater than the lemons droplets. If there is too much lemon droplets squeezed into the water, it would be acidic and it would be more of a torture than a detox drink. It would somehow be rather painful to swallow.
So preparing the amount of water that would suffice for the detox program is challenging but you have to put your heart into it. In this case, the water is actually amount of effort and work you do. The less work or effort you will amount to low level of water hence you will be left with high condensed lemon substance which is not a healthy intake. The higher the level of water you fill in will make the lemon droplets tasteless.
My scenario now is the amount of water level is low and I'm trying to increase it rapidly ignoring my heart and forcing my brain to function. It's not working at all. It worked a little bit but my mind tends to wonder off and do other things. For example today, instead of doing my extended abstract and review paper; I turned out finishing and publishing my solution-based website Farbeat Solutions. I even updated its twitter account.
I remembered doing my Final Year Project I (FYP I) in half a day. My brain is surely a fast processor which is working with my heart side by side. I was not depressed. My supervisor at that time was so cool. I even managed to get 'A' on my FYP. I was proud of the project when I presented it. I had no fear because everything was in my head and embedded in my heart. I did experience depression when the code I wrote did not turned out right. But somehow Allah made me survived and gave me good results although I might have taken a loop hole.
I think Allah is now teaching me to grow up and learn a little bit more. As I know that knowledge is lended by Allah and it elevates people in the eyes of Our Creator. Surely this path would hard but I obviously know that Allah is guiding me every step of the way. It is just up to me on how to overcome my sadness and fear. Being hopeful is not enough to be successful. I think Allah have thought me from Day 1 to have to put more effort in doing things. I may have the brain but Allah knows that I'm lacking in execution.
In another story, I did get a ticket from DBKL last Friday because I parked my car on the pavement. I was not angry at all and said, "Duit Allah pun, buat apa marah, dah buat salah".To be franked, money has never been a big issue for me. Maybe Allah have instilled in me that money is also a loan from Allah.
I now know I have "effort issues". Allah wants me to work a bit harder with the knowledge He have loaned me. I planned to wake up at 4 a.m. in the morning. I will have a silent conversation with Allah through my heart that is now weak and ask for perfect guidance as I see myself failing to follow His current guidance or maybe I'm too dumb to notice His guidance which is always perfect. Oh Allah, sorry as my heart is weak and might be swollen by unfortunate events that keeps own happening lately. But I noticed that You've made it balanced out with good times spent with loved ones. I really don't want tomorrow as a day I did not accomplish my work and let it pile up again in my heart and mind.
Let this knowledge learning spree last for a lifetime which can be an act of worship or Ibadah to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. In sha Allah.
Aku Menangis Juga Akhirnya | 13 Rabi'ulawal 1437H
December 24, 2015
Tahun ini Allah banyak tarik nikmat Dia daripada aku. aku redha sebab ini caraNya mengajar aku untuk berjaya di dunia dan di akhirat. Aku kirimkan doa kepada Alongku semasa dia menunaikan Haji "Doakan adik menang dan bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat" Lepas itu, terus kawan yang rapat jadi jauh. Tak apa aku masih kekal hubungan baik walaupun tak rapat macam dulu. Allah duga dan semua itu bergantung kepada rezeki. Dah tak ada rezeki, aku redha lagi bagus dan hidup lagi maju ke depan. Allah sebaik-baik perancang.
Sebelum aku pergi Perth, pensyarah pula marah dekat aku sebab aku baru tahu mungkin dia jenis mengongkong. Dia memang lama juga asyik mengamuk dalam email. Banyak juga benda negatif aku dapat dari dia tapi yang positif aku simpan dulu sebab aku lupa. Sekarang ini dia macam malas nak jawab soalan aku walhal dia penyelia aku. Jadi aku tujukan soalan aku kepada penyelia aku kepada kawanku Ayu, dia cepat memberi tunjuk ajar kepada melalui email. Kebaikan juga aku fikir dahulu kerana selepas ini aku boleh buat dengan sendiri dan tidak bergantung harap pada orang. Aku secara terus bergantung harap kepada Maha Suci Allah dan apa-apa jenis pertolongan yang Dia mahu sampaikan melalui makhluknya. Bukan penyelia atau pensyarah aku itu aku ulang.
Aku sudah lama tidak masuk ke pejabat kerana projek RPi-EL, aku mulai rasa rakan sepejabat aku mulai jauh dari aku. Tapi itu biasa-biasa saja mungkin sebab yang seorang itu sudah hendak berkahwin. Jadi frekuensi kami dah jadi berlainan. 28hb juga menjadi penentu jika Ketua Jabatan aku tahu aku berkaliber atau tidak. Aku teringat cerita Naruto di mana dia mahu buktikan diri kepada semua orang bahawa dialah yang terunggul. Aku dahulunya begitu, tapi sekarang aku lebih kepada mencabar diri sendiri dan berfikir asalkan Allah tahu apa yang aku lalui. Jannatul Firdaus adalah kemenangan paling unggul. Jadi peliharalah hubungan dengan Allah dan orang sekeliling selagi mampu.
Aku ada hasrat hati. Aku sentiasa bertahajjud kerana ini. Tapi aku kalau tak dapat di dunia, di akhirat In sha Allah, Allah tunaikan dengan membuatkan aku rasa cukup puas hati. Tapi aku doa sajalah di dunia jua, mana tahu Allah bagi di dunia dan akhirat. Jadi, aku teruskan untuk menjadi positif. Apa-apa pun tiada yang mustahil.
Malam 22hb aku mimpi aku patah gigi depan. Biasanya orang tafsir yang saudara mara terdekat akan meninggalkan dunia yang fana ini. Aku bercerita kepada Angahku dan kawanku tapi mereka kata jangan percaya. Hari ini kucing yang aku rawat matanya tidak sengaja kakakku tergilisnya dengan tayar kereta. Kemungkinan besar, dia tidur di bawah tayar kereta dan tidak sempat lari. Kak Dena bergegas menelefon aku dan menyatakan apa yang terjadi. Apa yang dia perkatakan tidak jelas, tapi aku mengagak saja dari cara percakapannya. Aku tidak marah langsung. Itu sudah ajalnya kucing yang aku sayang itu.
Aku turun ke bawah ke tempat kejadian dan kakakku sudah berlalu pergi dengan keretanya. Aku terlihat kucing itu telah pun mati. Badannya masih elok cuma kedua-dua matanya terkeluar. Selama ini, dia hanya boleh menggunakan sebelah matanya. Matanya sebelah hijau dan dia sangat comel. Sekali lagi, maafkan aku. Kucing itu adalah keluargaku maka aku menggunakan dia sebagai kata ganti diri baginya. Aku tidak menangis, dan terus mencari tempat untuk menggali kubur.
Selalunya, ayahku menanam kucing mati yang kami bela di luar rumah tetapi aku tak mampu mencangkul tanah di luar hari ini. Bahu kiriku sakit tapi aku tetap mahu menggali kubur buat kucing yang selama ini aku jaga. Aku akhirnya menanamnya di bawah pokok Ru lambang ketenangan. Sara sentiasa berada di sisi aku dan dia walaupun aku beberapa kali mengangkat dan menghalau Sara. Sara tetap berada di sebelah aku menyaksikan pengebumian ini. Aku masih kuat dan tidak menangis.
Aku kembali ke dalam rumah. Aku redha. Angah sudah bangun dan datang ke bilikku, lalu aku ceritakan kepada Angah. Angah bersedih, matanya mengalir. Aku pun akhirnya mengalirkan air mata. Sudah tak tahan sebak dan sedih. Gigi patah itu mungkin petunjuk Allah kepada aku tentang kucing itu. Aku tidak memberikannya nama semenjak dia lahir. Tapi sayang itu masih ada dan kucing itu saja yang aku masukkan dalam Instagram peribadiku. Dia kuat, dia memang kuat. Aku patut contohinya.
Tapi menangis tanda kita kuat. Kita akan bangun kembali. Kita cuba perbaiki diri untuk berjaya. Kita tolak apa yang negatif dari orang atau syaitan dan seangkatannya. Kita bangkit, berdoa dan berusaha untuk keredhaanNya. Kita ingat bahawa semua ini sementara. Dan ingatlah mereka yang masih lagi boleh menerima kau di saat kau jatuh tanpa rasa marah terhadapmu adalah kawan yang patut hargai selamanya.
3 Down, 4 More Giants to Go and A Story | 09 Rabi'ulawal 1437H
December 20, 2015
Currently waiting to see the doctor for my orthopedic appointment. My shoulder starting to hurt quite badly after the meet up with my friends on the 14 December 2015. My appointment was supposed to be on 7 December 2015 but due to work and study related issues, I decided to postpone it. Well, everyone will meet Our Maker one day. If you remain calm, have patience and forbearance, In sha Allah everthing would be alright. Nothing is permanent anyways including being unwell. I just need to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Our body will get weak eventually, but I will try my best to take care of it.
Alhamdulillah. Part 1 of RPi-EL is done. More detailed information would be in ENGINEER | MRT Corp section. I managed to finish up and test the software internally. I've tested the input using jumpers and it sufficed. Thanks to Helmi of TERAS, I now know how to test the inputs of the PiFace without having to connect the overall hardware to my system each time I need to test the software. Tomorrow will be the day I will full integrate the software I've developed and designed with the hardware which my colleagues have designed. In sha Allah, tomorrow would be a good day.
I've designed a Validation Software first to verify that everything was working well [Giant Number 1 - Completed]. Then, what I've designed according to the requirement is the software for an Electronic Access Control (EAC) security system. The requirements was to have 2 modes which are Medium Security (MS) [Giant Number 2 - Completed] and High Security (HS) [Giant Number 3 - Completed]. MS is like any other EAC security system used in offices. This is where you scan your card which is a Contactless Smart Card (CSC) to a CSC Reader to unlock door upon entry and press the switch button to unlock door upon exit. For HS, user is required to scan his/her card first then enter her Personal Identification Number (PIN) to unlock door upon entry and scan card to unlock door upon exit. Now I need to focus on WebIOPi [Giant 4 - In Progress].
I argued with the Dr. today because my shoulder hurts but he said it was not that urgent. He mentioned to proceed with another physiotheraphy session which is related to nerves. He asked me why the Dr. didn't go for an MRI at the cervical area as well and only the shoulder part. I said a specialist or a Medical Officer (MO) insist to do the shoulder part. I do not know. So I wanted a Cervical MRI as well and he said MRI is for patients who really needs it and I'm just a curious patient. My eyes was watery because I don't want to be angry and at the same time I want an MRI just to be sure what's happening to me, He said MRI is not a cure but I stopped him and said I really wanted to know what is bothering me. Where is the pain coming from although it may resort of endless session of physiotheraphy.
I think I was defending my rights as a patient and as I wanted to be treated. The facilities in the Government Hospital are obviously paid by tax money. I have the right to access it. But I did not put forth this point as I know it would create tension between us. He is a doctor but he is a human being as well. We should be mindful of each others feeling and he might his own struggle as well. Having a sister whom is a doctor really tells how stressful it is to be a doctor. The Dr. then agreed because of I kept on insisting. As it was time consuming for my blood test and take my medication from the pharmacy, I decided to take my medication first then for blood test on 30 December 2015.
Here are Giant 5 , 6 and 7 which are in line. [Giant 5 - Review Paper => I aim to review 30 Papers], [Giant 6 - Extended Abstract] and [Giant 7 - Thesis]. It is surely depressing when you see the workload but remember that Allah never burdens anyone beyond his/her capacity. I need to stay positive, spread positivity and don't get into a fight anymore. I will give Salam if I had enough but try to treat people as a close friend. I think Allah is putting my life into perspective as I'm getting older as wisdom is not gain from books. It's from experience. Forbearance is key and patience is the engine.
Ya Rabb, I surely like to write and tell but when it comes to converstions, I ran out of words. I should recite Prophet Musa's du'aa more whole-heartedly then before. I know I'm outspoken but I need to be concise in what I talk about instead of making unstructured speeches. Oh Allah, thank you for this knowledge and this life you have lend me as well. I'm starting to get the big picture. I'm having wanderlust again after watching Justin Bieber's - I'll Show You video clip. But surely, Your Paradise will keep me eternally peaceful a gizzilion times. Al-Khabir (The All Knowing), Al-Hakim (The Perfect Wise) only You know the best.
Watch Out! Here Comes Frustration | 28 Safar 1434H
December 10, 2015
Yesterday, I did my job early. Basically worked office hours from the home office. When I was busy with my office routine which still is Submission Management, the Internet was down. I called TM which consumes 1 hour of my time. Thanks to advance technology, I still manage to access the Shared Folder and do my job by tethering the Internet from to my office laptop.
But my RPi-EL Project was on hold. I need to use the Ethernet Cable to be connected to my Raspberry Pi (RPi or Pi) from my TM router in order to be connected to the Internet because I'm working on a process to control RPi-EL via the Internet through Weaved and WebIOPi. Just in case if you were wondering all the stuff that I'm listing here which does not make sense to you. Just click on the word for explanation.
So I decided to further elaborate the RPi-EL System as previously I have designed a validation software but as usual with bugs. So I wanted to upgrade the Graphic User Interface (GUI), in MRT Corp we call it Man Machine Interface (MMI). I tried using SSH to transfer files from my laptop to the Pi. Request timed out. I was going nuts. So I tried Laptop to Laptop pinging. Still can't ping hence I fumble and fall into frustration. I thought, it could've been the cables because cross-over cables are used when pinging from PC to PC.
Then, I finished up my routine office work. At 5.30pm, I went back home. I slept after Isyak prayers and as usual my Angah will bother me a bit. But it's okay when you have your siblings to bother you and you can bother them. Thank Allah for having a family. But still I know I was still frustrated.
Plus, when someone is trying to own you it's somehow getting on your nerve at this point of your life. Although it's made out of sincerity, you just had enough. You rather opt for appreciation than possession as any type of possession ruins you deep inside. I'm a free bird, no offense. I still am and will always be. I've now learn to appreciate rather than to own people. Owner is only Allah okay. Just waiting for the right time to see my Creator with a good ending when He wills.
Today, I woke up. Then I took my bath early. I wanted to give the kitties medication but turns out my Dad threw the syringe into the bin. I wanted to find the syringe in the bin, but obviously after cleaning it up it will still be infected. I was so pissed off at him and asked him to find the syringe in the bin or buy a new one. My voice was rising and I know it is not okay. My request was not entertained. Basically we quarrelled but this time I knew I've added my anger with my frustration to the mix which makes it even awful.
My parents already left for Melaka this morning as tomorrow would be my cousin's wedding. My siblings and I will be going there tomorrow. I'm pissed at my Dad so I did not kissed his hand when he left. I went to my mum and kissed her hand and said that a friend of mine have syringes (lucky to be friends with doctors nearby) . I've also added that I don't want to be friends with Dad as he did not admit his fault on the syringe. My mum replied that I was quarrelling with him for something petty. I've then replied that it is still his fault for throwing that out. He could've been logical enough to know that the syringe had a purpose.
After they left, I've calm myself down and notice that I was overwhelmed by my frustration although I rationalized by asking the syringe from a friend. One task is near to completion but a new problem occur. He is my Dad. He was there when I was okay, sick, happy, sad and even cleaned me up when I pood myself long time ago. He even carried me in his arms and used the stairs when I was crying after getting my tooth removed at the dentist when I was in the fourth year in primary school. I was big enough to go down the stairs. What a weakling I was.
I come to realized that when I write, I remember a lot. The thing about humans are we tend to forget. Humans, not only Malay. I will text my Dad when I finish writing this as we're the macho type. I am still a weakling up to this day but trying to be strong by admitting my faults.
I'm bringing my oven to the home office as well in case I might whip something creative suddenly. I might go to the home office in a bit to take all three 5.5 litre bottles empty bottle and fill them at home. I might watch something on Facebook and buy something to make me some easy cookies. Angah bothered me just now asking me to invest my EPF. I will insert it to my task today.
Arrangements or my task for today would be:
Say sorry to Dad and explain a bit so he will understand next time (Done but still maintained a macho-type-message via SMS)
Contact Anis to invest my EPF (Done texting her via WhatsApp, met her on 14 December 2015 and seal the deal)
Watch FB to find simple recipe for my cookies (Done but I googled instead of using FB, 1 cup peanut butter, 1 cup sugar, 1 egg. I made those cookies as well still have some left in the fridge)
Ask the doctors when the syringe is ready (Done, one was M.I.A suddenly and the other one gave me the syringe)
Go to home office, bring the oven with 2 eggs upstairs and the 3 bottles downstair (Done)
Go back home filled in the bottles with Dr. Sukida water (Done)
Go back to home office with the bottles and do your job (Done a bit, still need a lot of forbearance to complete my work)
Get the syringe when it's available and give your kitties medication (Done, but I bought the syringe instead. Got the other syringe on 15 December 2015)
When I write, then I know clearly which part I have wronged myself Oh Allah. Please forgive me as I think this is my way of making things right with Your permission although there's plenty I could not record. This is my eternal baby steps towards you. Once I can run, I will run towards You Allah, Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim.
The Unpleasant Bummer | 22 Safar 1437H
December 04, 2015
My mind is on hold for the past 2 days. Sometimes your heart and mind don't sync and it's a great loss when you know you could achieve your goals. My mind is starting to wander again. Perhaps because there's plenty of things that it can do.
I think my heart is trying to prioritize on the things I love instead of the task that I need to complete. I tried applying the 2-minute-rule but it's failing currently. Though I'm working out of the office with permission from 2-11 December 2015, I yet fail to really follow my plan.
Obviously and definitely I have wronged myself again. The mood is not there and I'm surely at fault for being too ambitious. Really am I at fault for being too ambitious. No. It's not a fault. Maybe I need to rest? No I don't. Is this mood swings? Maybe. Do I need to go out? I did that already.
Let's list down all the things you gotta do by this Sunday.
i) Try out the example from DIY Hacking by modifiying just a bit of its HTML and PHP codes
ii) When it is successful, then you should suit it with your project.
Okay, I know what is my problem now. It is anxiety. When you know you could do more, you tend to leave the basics out which leaves you mind at a freeze. Your mind is definitely a processor but simple task needs to be done first before taking up the challenging part.
That's why everything has a prerequisite. I should sleep before Zohor. I hope I can through this bummer. I'll achieve those 2 first. Dear mind, please be focused and stop wandering. Ya Rabb, I have the intention to finish plenty of tasks but I know that the Devil's trick is to cloud us with so many things to do until we accomplish nothing. Ya Rahman, I seek refuge from the accursed Devil which are our sworn enemy that will never stop dragging us from Your Mercy. Oh Allah, I humbly seek forgiveness and hope I should come out better. Aamiin.
Being Fair to All. Keep Cool and Rationalize at All Time | 15 Safar 1437H
November 26, 2015
En route to Perth through Air Asia. Today was definitely different but I would like to start with yesterday where I was so tired and my blood boiled to my brain. It was an inconvenient when your lecturer suddenly asked you to meet him for a research meeting when tomorrow you’re getting out of the country. (Flight attendant is on the way serving food and I am hungry). It was on the 28 Nov 2015 and he just gave me 2-day-notice. (I’ve just eaten and would like to carry on writing)
So I replied, I am out of the country from 27 Nov – 1 Dec 2015 and will revert to him all the slides on literature review he requested on 2 Dec 2015. But I also told him that the project completion would be on 18 Dec 2015 and would submit all chapters on Jan 2016. As usual he was furious saying it is too late he wanted me to email him the slides before leaving the country. I said not possible and impossible. He went double furious and asked why?? Also stating I didn’t I do any amendment after the first draft? Just paste it into a power point slide.
I replied again. “No laptop, only phone at hand. The best I could do is on 2 Dec 2015. He went triple furious saying that my response was all negative and tried to used his veto power saying he (as my supervisor) did not give me permission to travel overseas and mention what was the purpose of that visit and is it related to my masters project. So I pissed him off by saying “Not related to this project. I have a full time job as an engineer in MRT Corp and the master project was a mini project to enhance my skills. I did pissed him off when he replied I should change to part time next semester and registering as a full time student is misleading and unethical. In his previous email, I wanted to change to part time but he wanted to keep me as a full time student.
Then, I did reflect on this incident as every email from my lecturer seems unpleasant. So I knew that I have done wrong and decided to Solat Taubat. I am only a slave of Allah and I won’t be oppressed by anyone or anything else but I have wronged myself and the people around me. So I seek forgiveness from my Creator.
That night, before I go to bed, I decided to bring my laptop along to fulfill my lecturer’s request but for the sake of Allah first then myself. I became a student of knowledge to elevate myself and try to be truthful to myself. Allah helped me be rational and seek His pleasure instead of his creation. Today’s story will be in EXPLORER | Places section.
Hari Aku Melawan Malas dan Memperteguhkan Usaha | 13 Safar 1437H
November 24, 2015
Aku sudah sampai seru untuk menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu walaupun SPM dulu aku dapat A2 bagi matapelajaran Bahasa Melayu (BM). Kata Melayu tapi keputusan BM bukan A1, buat malu walhal aku punya Bahasa Inggeris (BI) aku A1 dan GCE-0 1A. Aku boleh maafkan diri aku sekarang sebab dulu aku pandang lekeh kepada BM tapi sebenarnya aku suka saja bahasa ibundaku tetapi semasa menimba ilmu ada tercetus ego menuntut ilmu BM kerana orang lebih pandang tinggi kepada BI.
Satu lagi sebab aku jadi begini adalah permulaan penulisan aku dalam BI. Dahulu, pengajian awalku di Hampshire School, Knightsbrigde Under School. Jadi maafkan aku wahai rakyat, aku sedang belajar lagi untuk memperkasakan bahasa ibundaku di dalam jiwaku.
Hari ini aku memang susah bangun dari katilku. Hati aku gusar dengan kerja yang agak rumit itu tapi perlu disiapkan juga sebelum Disember ini berlalu pergi. Tipulah aku tidak meminati kerja itu tapi bila aku dipaksa buat, aku mulai rasa nak melarikan diri kerana bagi aku punca segala masalah adalah paksaan.
Tapi hari ini aku bangun juga dan berkata, aku pergi kerja ini kerana Allah Ta'ala. Minggu ini aku menggunakan mod pengangkutan yang sama iaitu kereta api tetapi aku bertukar kepada Express Rail Transit (ERL) melalui laluan KLIA Transit sebab aku bakal ke Perth jumaat ini. Aku bakal menggunakan ERL untuk ke KLIA 2. Bagi aku bila rutin bertukar sedikit, aku akan ceria sedikit dan tidak bosan. Aku bergerak dari Putrajaya ke KL Sentral. Sampainya aku di KL Sentral, aku cari makanan yang aku suka walaupun aku boleh mencari makanan lebih murah di pejabat. Aku ingin keluar dari rutin, jadi aku makan sebentar di situ. Sepatutnya aku naik bas pengangkutan percuma yang disediakan oleh pihak syarikat, tetapi langkahku bertukar kerana aku mulai bersemangat untuk pergi ke pejabat awal.
Oleh sebab itu, aku menaiki Light Rail Transit (LRT) ke Bangsar. Kemudian menaiki bas T634 ke pejabat. Yang penting aku sampai awal ke pejabat. Aku mulai pekerjaan aku tapi semua benda yang aku buat tak menjadi dan tidak mendatangkan sebarang hasil sampai dekat 10.15am. Aku kecewa, sungguh kecewa.
Aku turun ke surau untuk Solat Sunat Dhuha, pada sujud itu aku berkata bahawa aku ini bodoh sombong. Aku sentiasa rasa aku tahu kerja aku, tapi sebenarnya segala ilmu itu milik Allah. Maka Ya Allah bantulah hambamu ini yang bodoh sombong ini. Selesai solat, aku naik ke atas. Aku dapat selesaikan masalah configurasi tersebut. Aku terus terdetik dalam hati, aku kena sujud syukur.
Maka dengan itu, aku pergi ke surau sekali lagi tetapi aku tambah Solat Sunat Dhuhaku sebab semalam aku terlepas kerana urusan dunia, kemudian sujud syukur. Tugasan aku masih belum selesai kerana ia amat mencabar dan aku ada kurang daripada sebulan untuk menyiapkannya.
Hari ini aku belajar, yang paling penting dalam hidup kau adalah niat kau dalam melakukan sesuatu pekerjaan. Kau rasa kau cukup handal dan cekap tapi ketahuilah, semua ilmu itu milik Yang Maha Bijaksana. Kau perlu usaha, tidak cepat putus asa dan minta pertolongan pada Yang Maha Kuasa. Ya Allah, maafkan hambamu yang sentiasa menzalimi diri sendiri. Aku akan cuba belajar untuk memahamiMu agar sentiasa di bawah rahmatMu.
First Article Inspection (FAI) and Research Meeting | 29 Muharram 1437H
November 10, 2015
What is FAI? I actually learn about this process in MRT Corp but with reference to Wikipedia, it is an inspection of conformance to all engineering requirements. It must also include the demonstration of stable, repeatable processes. Basically, our Raspberry Pi Electronic Lock project FAI is on Friday.It's not that perfect currently, but what the hey, I'll try my best to somewhat satisfy the "customer' which is my boss. May Allah ease everything.
I have to also update my research thesis and will be having with my lecturer Ir. Dr. Mohd Ridzuan Ahmad. He is quite strict and we often quarrel through email as if it is somewhat a must. Meeting him would be nerve wrecking but what the hey, I'll do what Nike ask people to do. Just do it. I need all the focus in the world to make it done. Ya Rabb, I know I'm good at finding loop holes but I hope this time I can outwit my past to a better future. Whether it is in this Dunya or Akhirah.
First Thoughts | 27 Muharram 1437H
November 08, 2015
It's a blog like website. But I'm not getting out of this world alive so I might as well cherish and make my mark at least here and hope for a blessful hereafter when I leave this world. I notice currently I have high tendency to tell a lie when I became a student again. It's only because the rules are being applied again and I am sick of them. But there must be a reason why Allah let's me take this road again only this time it's a winding road.
Integrity is a must in life, it let's you sleep well at night. I'm trying my best not to find a loop hole in every situation that caughts me. Because I'm very good at it finding more than one. I'm always trying to be a good student with the best behaviour. Maybe it's a spiritual endeavour to bring out the best in me. Because knowledge is light, I won't be able to see the light if I continue this way. I need a step-by-step baby edition guide to not be "penuh dengan helah". Let's start from this very moment today.